Shot Roulette (A Creepypasta Fanfiction)
by Inhospitable
Summary: Ticci Toby's dad comes home really drunk one night and Toby deals with it the only way he thinks he can. A Pre-Proxy, Pre-accident story. Trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and abuse. This gets heavy quickly.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. Not the character Ticci Toby.

**Trigger Warning- Suicidal thoughts and abuse**

* * *

There he goes. Left to go drinking again. She wasn't here, I'm glad my sister wasn't here. The shadows stretch into the nightly hours. Anxiety keeping me awake till my consciousness finally fades and my eyes close shut.

I abruptly wake because I sense he has entered the house, Mom's house. Our house. Never his.

My mind is thudding. It's dull hammers against my skull whining that it wants sleep. I force all my awareness to stay awake. It is better this way. Better to be awake and in control rather than unknowing and unexpected of what he will do while I slumber peacefully in ignorant bliss.

Checking my phone that I keep close. I hide it away next to my face under the pillows, the time is 3:43 A.M. He went bar hopping all night. The worst scenario.

As he grumbles and stumbles inside I can already smell the coated cigarettes and mixes of strong alcohol like puss leaving his festering mind.

He is yelling about his problems and how he can't get any, "pussy." Over and over again, degrading them and asking deaf ears why they use him and make him feel in love, then ignore and treat him like trash.

I pretend to sleep as he moves down the hall towards his room, mine adjacent.

All words hurt as he falls in his bed. He just repeats and curses at them, himself and then me. It is 4:50 now. He had work at 7 o'clock.

He speaks words than more saying that he needs to sleep. But then gets aggressive so quick it's like a light switch.

He degrades me of my mistakes. I pretend to sleep.

He yells out on how much of a disappointment I am to him. I pretend to sleep.

He talks roughly about my worth. My heart breaks.

"You are fucking worthless, you piece of shit. You can't do a goddamn thing I tell you to. How the fuck are you going to make it in this world. You lazy piece of shit!"

Trying to stare at my phone and ignore him. The words are loud as they echo around inside my head.

"You're so damn lazy, what are you going to do with yourself. You goddamn parasite, just like your mother and sister." My tongue feels so heavy and small inside my teeth.

"Are you on that fucking phone again?!" He gets out of bed and I quickly drop the phone after turning it off and close my eyes towards the wall. He turns on all the lights in the room and I can feel him staring at me. The moment so drawn out ends as he turns the lights back off and heads back to bed. "Thought you fucking left in the car again." I only do that when you get this bad. Memories of avoiding a drunk beating ended up knocking a potted plant on the white carpet floor. Dirt spilled and he grabbed my head as I was quick to try putting the soil back in. He then shoved my head face down in it like he was scolding an animal. Luckily my older sister was there and helped me. I am alone in the house with him tonight.

"That isn't even your car, it's mine you little fucker!" I turn back on the phone immediately.

"My insurance, under my name! You take off in it and I'll report it missing, you will go to jail you little shit!" I am silent and continue to pretend.

"Did you make a doctors appointment, for your teeth?" The cavities scare me. "What about the eye doctors?" I have been focusing on other things. "You don't even use the insurance my work gives you! You worthless piece of shit, I work my ass off and come home to your lazy ass. You are a fucking parasite!." My head is numb and it feels like lead while also being light as a feather on the pillow. I cannot refute him.

The more he goes on the more my mind wonders. 'What good am I? I don't have anything I own. They were all gifts from other people's money. And the things I gave back were not my own. I am just a user. I have no ambition. I have simple likes and dislikes, but what am I going to do?'

I look at my phone, the urge to text or call my sister is so strong it is suffocating. But I lay here standstill. She is with mom having fun. Who am I to ruin any of her break from this hell.

'I deserve this. I don't have anything worthwhile to my name. I am useless.'

"You are a fucking stupid little fucker that can't do shit!"

'I am stupid. Or average. Nothing noteworthy about me. So plain and yet nothing I do evens out what I take from the world and others. I have nothing. I own nothing. I am nothing.'

'Please, someone! Anyone! Tell me what I can do, what is it that I am here for?' My limbs feel so small and my tongue is dry while containing itself in the cage, still too large to contain such a small thing. I feel like puking now as things start to swirl and twist.

'Would you tell me what I am good for? Or would everyone be better, happier with me gone?'

* * *

Author's note: Forgive me, I am still getting the hang of making the story visually appealing on this website.


End file.
